The First Time I Saw You
by ISlayedBuffy
Summary: It wasn't really as complicated of a story as Quinn and Rachel had told Harmony. But the reality after falling in love and being with each other, it is still complicated when one is an unknown author who still hasn't come out to anyone and barely herself and the other just had her broadway debute and whose fathers are gay. The reality of that, it comes with with a story.
1. Prologue

"Harmony! It's dinner time!" Rachel shouted up the stairs at her daughter. The house was filled with something cooking, or well, at least something that had been cooking. Rachel went into the dinner room and sat down opposite to the sighing blonde.

"We both know that you'll have to walk up there and dra-" Quinn started, but before she could finish her sentence Harmony came running down the stairs and sat down next to Rachel. "and drag her down here. Or so I thought." she continued with a smile.  
The room was dimly lit with some candles on the table and just a hint of light from the lamp on the ceiling. The one who made the table used the silverware they only use on special occasions.

"What- what part did you get? Because I didn't even know you had auditioned for something new." Harmony asked, looking at Rachel with a frown. Rachel chuckled at the question while Quinn sighed.

"I haven't. There's no new part, honey. We are celebrating because your mother and I have been married for 19 years today." Rachel said with a smile aimed at her wife who wasn't surprised Harmony had thought that Rachel had got a new part, because it was rarely about anyone else but Rachel. It was always a new part or a Tony nomination or her winning a Tony. She couldn't write books as fast as something good happened to Rachel's career.

"Yeah, so enjoy the food because I worked hard on that." Quinn said trying to sound like the tough mother who thought 19 years was just another wedding anniversary. She wasn't though, and_ it_ wasn't. Sure, maybe it was just another wedding anniversary and 20 was one to really celebrate. But 19 years was a lot. It was 19 years married to the woman she loved. 19 years married to the woman who changed her life for the better in so many ways.

"Shouldn't we go to a restaurant or something? I mean, isn't that what people do on their wedding anniversary?" Harmony asked, as she scooped up something she had never seen before on her plate.

"Yes, that is usually what people do but we just- aren't." Quinn answered with a shrug and drank some red wine from her glass.

The conversation carried on as they ate. It went from how school was to how nice it would be to go to London or Paris or Venice. From if Harmony was dating someone, did she have one in sight to what Quinn and Rachel's story was, where the conversation took a sudden stop and Quinn and Rachel looked at each other.

"It's uhm- a long and complicated story." Quinn said and took a sip from her wine glass and looked at Rachel. The story wasn't really that long but it was complicated. It had started at different places, different times. But at the same time, it had started the same time and almost the same place. And the whole story in itself was something neither of them really wanted to bring up again.

"Oh come on. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't because you met and fell in love. I want to know what happened between the two." Harmony said and pouted at Rachel who she knew could never say no to her when she pouted.

"Nothing. There's no in between for me. I saw her and I fell. A year later we met for real and I- fell harder. So, there's no in between. Or well, there's a whole lot of middle between seeing her and meeting her but that's not the same thing." Quinn said with a sigh and smile. Looking at Harmony she could she Rachel smile in the corner of her eye.

"I had almost forgotten about that. But yeah, same here. No in between. Just a whole lot of middle." Rachel said finishing up her meal, leaning back in her chair grabbing the wine glass and sipping on it.

"Oh, but now you have to tell me. You two are the queens of drama queens, there's more to this story." Harmony said with a grin. Quinn chuckled as she shook her head.  
"No, but really. Please." Harmony continued.

"Okay, fine. Let's tell her. She's 17, it's not too complicated for her." Rachel said looked into her wife's eyes. "I saw Quinn in a bookshop here in New York and I had to literally hold myself up on one of the bookshelves. I had heard of being kneeweak, but that, it was ridiculous. So I put back the book I was thinking of buying and got out of there as fast as I could." She said, like it was no big deal. But it was. They all knew it was because that was the first time Rachel had seen Quinn.

"Wait, you just left?" Harmony asked with a frown. Rachel nodded. Rachel and Harmony turned their eyes to Quinn whose turn it was to spill on the details.

"I- Uhm. It was a Starbuck. The same Starbuck we bought our coffee in on our first date. She was a couple of people in front of me and I- I had this ridiculous debate in my head about whether or not I should say hi because I already knew who she was. But what was I going to say?"Miss. Berry? Yes, Hi. My name is Quinn Fabray and I love your work and I'm also falling for your face. Or well, I'm actually falling for the whole you but your face is special." Yeah, I don't think so." Quinn said with a sigh and looked down in her glass. Rachel chuckled at the story she had only heard a couple of times before.

"Funny thing is, Harmony. It was the same day. We saw each other the same day, just in different places and a couple of hours apart. We just didn't have a single idea the other one was there." Rachel said. Quinn smiled and shook her head.

"Are you serious? What happened? Please, just if you don't tell me I'm asking Auntie 'Tana and Aunt B. I'll even try with Uncle Puck." she said, suddenly desperate for the story.

"Okay, okay. Fine." Quinn said and looked at Rachel. "You made the first move so you go first." she continued.

Rachel sighed and started telling the story.


	2. A Whole Lot of Middle

**A/N**: Hey there. So, I'm uploading this already the day after because I want to leave you with more than just a page of future (and I'm not leaving. But I have loads of school so…).** AND WOW**, thank you all for the reviews and follows from the Prologue. I've tried loads of times to get a story starting but I've never gotten any responses on them and then gotten kind of bored. So again, thank you so very very much because I do believe in this story, and I don't want to get bored with it. But yeah, here's the next chapter and it's kind of long but I hope you like.

* * *

The fact that they'd actually seen each other the same day but at different places, just hours apart, was like fairytale. But what was Quinn and Rachel but a chick flick to happen.  
And the fact that it really was just a whole lot of middle between that they'd seen each other to that of actually meeting each other, was a quite depressing fact seeing it from this perspective, knowing that the whole lot of middle could've been filled with a whole lotta love if one of them had just been a creep and talked to the other.

It was a year later that they saw each other again. They stood at opposite ends of the big loft that belonged to some big shot dude who worked with something no one cared about, and it was just a lucky chance that they saw each other at that distance seeing has how the space between them was filled with theatre people, and important movie people, and musicians and a lot of other kinds of people. But there they were, looking at each other.

They looked into each others eyes briefly before a woman blocked the line of sight between them. Quinn wanted so badly to walk up to Rachel and say something, just- just be a fan. No expectations, just walk up to her say something like "Hey, uhm- I sorry but I'm a big fan and yeah. sorry." then walk away.

Rachel however was a doer and wasn't going to stand around thinking about it. So before the next guy who wanted to tell her that she was amazing as Fanny Brice in 'Funny Girl' could come over and distract her from talking to the more than beautiful blond, she took a big gulp from her solo cup and placed it, empty, on the counter she had been leaning on. She sighed heavily and smiled as she started to elbow her way through the crowded place with the occasional "sorry" or "excuse me".

Once again they had a clear line of sight even though Rachel didn't look at Quinn. Quinn however stared at Rachel as she elbowed her way closer and closer to Quinn. Quinn's head went from wild thoughts of Rachel, to not a single thought as Rachel had finally pushed herself out of most of the crowed. Because in that moment that Rachel had finally gotten through most of the people, she looked +at Quinn with the most radiant smile Quinn had ever seen, and Quinn knew, Rachel wasn't just making her way over to her side of the loft, she was making her way to her. Rachel Berry, making her way to her, Quinn Fabray.

"Hey. I'm Rachel." Rachel said with the same smile and tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. "I think we've met." she continued, knowing that they hadn't. But it didn't matter how many lines she could think of before or after, that was the only one in her mind at that moment. It was bad, yes. And it was a lie, yes. But, did it really matter?

"Uhm- I-I'm Q-Quinn Fabray. I don't think we have met but I'm-I'm a big big fan of your fa-yours. I'm a big fan of yours." she stuttered like an idiot, almost saying that she was a big fan of Rachel's face and clumsily changed it to "yours". She facepalmed in her head so hard that it was more like beating herself up about it._ Real smooth Fabray. Reaaaal smooth_. she thought, putting on a smile.

"No? Oh well, I could've sworn I've seen you somewhere." Rachel said trying to get a conversation going that wasn't about Quinn being a fan. "But I guess now we have met, Quinn Fabray." she continued hoping the stuttering blond would give her something to go on.

"Yeah, and it's nice meeting you Miss. Berry." Quinn chuckled.

"Rachel, please. Just Rachel. Miss. Berry is my dad." Rachel said quickly with a grin as Quinn laughed.

"Okay then, Rachel, it's nice meeting you." Quinn said, she too with grin. The conversations could've died just there, and it was on it's last breaths.

_Come on Quinn, just say something._ Quinn thought.

_ Just ask about what she does or something. Hey, Rachel, yes she's the most beautiful woman we've seen but, if we want her, WE NEED TO TALK TO HER!_ Rachel thought.

"So…" they said at the same time, both plucking up the courage to carry on an actual conversation. Both stopped, smiling. Rachel looked down on her feet as Quinn took a sip of her gin & tonic.

"You first." Quinn said, ever the gentle...woman.

"Okay, what do you do? Are you working?" Rachel asked, feeling like she asked if the blonde lived of her parents.

"Uhm- no. I just applied for a job at a bookshop not far from here. But, I'm-I'm a writer and I have this thing I'm working on but I can't live of it since it's not finished." Quinn answered and Rachel nodded. Quinn was going to ask "how about you" but that might just have been a bigger facepalm than before.

"But, so.. whose place is this even?" Quinn asked instead since she actually had no idea whose place she was at.

"Uhm- I'm… I'm not sure. A couple of people from the cast asked me to come with them because "I need to get out more"." Rachel said and looked around the room with a frown. "But , your book, or your thing that you are writing. What's it about?" Rachel asked as she looked back at Quinn. Quinn took another sip from her solo cup. She usually didn't talk about it, because she knew that she was good, but she had never really liked anything she'd written. Especially not the storylines.

"It's about a boy named Tom, who uhm- who's 17. He's this guy at his school. He's really nerdy but he turned out to be the hottest of them all. But he uhm- he is very insecure about everything because his father couldn't do anything but tell him he was nothing, and one day his father leaves him with his mother. And so in High School he surrounds himself with superficial friends and he sleeps around. But this one time he danced with a guy, because this guy was really lonely and gay in this really small town and while Tom knows he's not gay and isn't afraid of dancing with a guy everybody else starts to bully him for it and yeah, then a lot of stuff happens that I'm not going to tell you about because you'll have to read the book." Quinn said. Rachel nodded occasionally as she listened intently, losing words here and there because of the loud music, but still getting what Quinn was saying.

"Wow, that sounds interesting. I know some people if you want me to talk to them. This thing should really be published." Rachel said with a smile. Quinn smiled back and there thay stood for a couple of second as everything went silent between the songs. They looked at each other to the background noise of people talking. Quinn couldn't do much but laugh as 'Undressed' came on, because all she could do was undress Rachel in her head. She wanted to know the girl more, in anyway possible.

"What?" Rachel asked. Quinn shook her head with a smile and gulped down the last of her gin & tonic, just like Rachel had. All to pluck up the last courage she needed to ask Rachel to dance, especially to this song.

"Wanna dance?" Quinn asked and stretched out her hand to Rachel, who took it and followed Quinn out to where people were actually dancing and not talking. Just like Quinn, Rachel though the song was very fitting seeing how she too had started think about undressing Quinn. She didn't want to think like that because she genuinely wanted to know Quinn as more than a girl she probably should've stopped from walking out her door after a one-night stand, but those damn thoughts just wouldn't stop.

As the song played and they danced it got progressively hotter. Not only did it get hotter as in some sweating and really needing a drink but in a steamy "how about we go back to my place and I, you know, fuck your brains out" way. But when the song ended they walked back to the temporary bar Quinn had been standing at, laughing.

"That was.. that was." Rachel said and sighed not wanting to use the only word in her head, hot. But her not wanting to use it made it hard to figure out something else and the sentence she was building started to disappear into the air, making Rachel feel like Quinn was going to know exactly what she was thinking through the whole dance. But just as Rachel was going to say something blah like fun Quinn said it.

"Hot? Yeah uhm- drink?" Quinn said while pouring whatever alcohol she could find to occupy her from looking at the extremely stunning brunette who was, probably and hopefully, thinking just the same things as her.

"It was. And yes, please. Surprise me." Rachel answered as Quinn started to pour another drink into a new cup. They stood quietly until Quinn handed Rachel a cup of whatever she had done. Rachel took a sip and looked at Quinn with a frown asking "What in the heavens am I drinking?" Quinn shrugged because she had no idea. A mix of sexual frustration and the awkward conversations that were probably about to happen? It didn't seem far from the truth to Quinn.

"My turn." Rachel said as stretched out her hand towards Quinn, and without hesitation she took it. Rachel wasn't leading Quinn out on the dancefloor again, something Quinn thanked God for because 'Closer' was just another 'Undressed' and she didn't know if she could take that, but to another, empty, room. Quinn half expected it to have a bed but it only had a couch and a table and a TV.

"Thought we might need some privacy." Rachel said as she sat down in couch and crossed her legs. Quinn sat down next to Rachel a bit more awkwardly than she actually was. Sure, it wasn't every day you unintentionally turn into a creep who thinks "that women there. You see her? Yeah, that's the woman I'm spending the rest of my life with", but hell Rachel was just as into what was happening as she was, and that was obvious.

"So, do we uhm- do you want to talk or?" Quinn said against her better judgement, knowing Rachel would understand that she was asking if she wanted to carry on a conversation, or make out.

"Whatever you want." Rachel answered with a smile. This was so unlike her, she was usually the reserved one in these kind of situations. But it was like Quinn had a put a spell on her, compelling her to act like this.

"I-I...We.. uhm- so what- what do you see yourself doing after Fanny? I mean I've talked about my work, let's talk about yours." Quinn said awkwardly and once again facepalmed internally_. Lucy Quinn Fabray, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! This was the perfect gateway to get it on and you start ask about her work?! What kind of masochistic idiot are you?_ Quinn thought as Rachel sighed clearly disappointed before answering.

"I uhm- Fanny is my absolute dream and that has happened. But I guess I can see myself do Elphaba." Rachel answered smiling a little to make up for the sigh. Quinn bit her lip and looked down into her cup as she sighed.

"Fuck it." she said before leaning forward and kissed Rachel. Rachel put down her cup on the table next to them and moved closer to Quinn kissing her back, harder. As they broke apart Quinn took the chance to put down her cup. As they looked at each other they started chuckling like idiots.

Quinn bit her lip again, something that broke Rachel. She couldn't stand not kissing the girl anymore even if their lips had only been apart for couple of seconds. She grabbed Quinn by the collar of her dress and pulled her closer, kissing her. Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel and pulled her even closer. Rachel had never kissed anyone as hard as she kissed Quinn now. Quinn had never wanted to undress someone so badly as she wanted to undress Rachel now. But there they sat, kissing harder than ever, not wanting to break apart to leave for someones apartment, but not wanting to go further here.

Rachel moved her hands to the back of Quinn's head and started to play with her hair, pulling out the hair needle Quinn had. Just as Rachel was going to do as Quinn and say fuck it, a woman stormed through the door.

"Rache- Oh shit sorry. Uhm- we..We- uhm, need you to come with us. Kurt's in the hospital." The woman said and closed the door as she walked away. Quinn looked from the closed door to Rachel who sat with her mouth open. Quinn was tempted to continue the kissing.

"I have- I have to go." Rachel said dragging her hand through her hair.

"Who's Kurt?" Quinn asked with a frown. Rachel looked up from the floor to Quinn in surprise.

"He's...my best friend. I'm sorry. Do you have a phone?" Rachel said. Quinn pulled out her phone from the pocket of her dress, unlocked it and gave it to Rachel. Quinn figured Rachel was just going to call someone else who needed to come with her and this was going to be the end of them. But Rachel gave Quinn back her phone without calling anyone and just a number.

"That's my number. Call me, text me, anything. Just make sure I get your number. Sorry." Rachel said quickly as she stood up and walked up, leaving Quinn all hot and bothered on the couch. She sighed and smiled, grabbing her cup and taking two big gulps from it and chuckled.

"Fuck me." she said as she leaned back on the couch laughing. That was the second time she had said fuck in the same day, and it was something she rarely said. Actually, she rarely cursed at all. But it was like Rachel had this impact on her, like a spell, that made her just- not_ fucking_ care anymore.


	3. The Beginning of the Chick-Flick

**A/N**: Once again, thank you so very very much for the reviews. It really makes my day when I get mails from the bot telling me about something regarding the story. So yeah, here's the new chapter and I hope you like it. Live long and Prosper! (Ps. I know NOTHING about broken bones and I tried to do some research but hell there ain't anything that said anything about differences in fractures in the way I looked for them. So sorry if it's so bad it makes you grind your teeth.)

* * *

"Kurt! Wh-What happened?" Rachel asked, looking from him to the doctors back to him. Kurt was smiling, and probably high because of all the morphine.

"I'm ffffiiiiine." Kurt chuckled, booping Rachel on the nose. She sighed and looked at the doctors again hoping for some answers.

"We were told that he slipt on an icy spot while crossing the road and then his legs were ran over, but uhm- he… his legs are broken like they would break if you jump from something way up high. Which is easier to fix than being run over but he will still be in lots of pain when the morphin starts to were off, but we're going to keep giving him regular doses of it for a while." One of the doctors said with a hint of british accent shining through the american one, nodding as he looked around himself at the other doctors and smiling when he finished.

"Okay, so he- he's going to be fine?" Rachel asked, looking at Kurt again.

"Yes, there's no reasons right now that begs the differ." The doctor answered, his british accent shining through even more. Rachel sighed of relief through a smile.

The doctors started to clear out and then Rachel was left on her own with Kurt in the blindingly white hospital room. Kurt lay still in his bed, still smiling.

"Stop. it." Rachel deadpanned. She wanted to smile with him because she had never seen him high and it was pretty funny, but it was a serious situation and someone had to be the grown-up one.

"Kurt, come one stop. Do you remember what happened?" She said, breaking her facade and smiling when he didn't stop.

"I was going over to that party you were talking about. I thought it would be nice to see you talk to anyone else but me or the cast." Kurt answered, visibly at least trying to stop smiling. They both looked out the door when a couple of doctors ran past it.

"I'm like on a doctor show. It's cool." Kurt chuckled.

"Back to the point. You fell on your way to the party I didn't even want to go to?" Rachel asked and frowned. Kurt nodded, suddenly looking very tired.

"Well, that's stupid." Rachel sighed and sat down on the chair next to the bed.

"How many were they? Did you count?" Kurt asked. They had had a mini fight about her going to the party in which she didn't want to go because she always ended up having to talk about her work, and in which he had agreed with the 'Funny Girl' cast and said she needed to get out there.

"Uhm- 10 or 11 I think." Rachel answered looking down on her hands, wanting so bad to talk about Quinn but not sure if she actually wanted to bring it up yet.

"Oh, come on Rachel. What happened to the Rachel who wanted to spend a whole Glee lesson to people saying what solos they wanted to hear you sing, huh? You used to love getting that attention." Kurt asked, trying to turn to his side instead of just lying flat on his back but without any luck because he couldn't move his legs especially good.

"I know, I guess it's just- I still love the attention but, I guess I want more than that. I want more than people talking about my work all the time. I want really friends, and I only seem to get that by socialising with people who have the same job as me." Rachel sighed again, now playing with her necklace still debating over whether or not she should bring up Quinn.

"You're doing that thing, that- that thing you do when something's bothering you." Kurt said and narrowed his eyes, pointing at her hand playing with the necklace.

"Am not. And there's no thing anyways." Rachel said and quickly dropped her hand to her lap, and instead started to play with her fingers.

"Rachel Berry, don't even try to hide it. I know your things, and you were doing the thing." Kurt said sounding a bit angry.

"Ugh, well you have things to and I hate it, because now you are doing a thing and it's reading me. It's annoying, especially when I already have an internal debate about whether or not I should tell you." Rachel said and leaned back in the chair.

"What? Did you meet someone?" Kurt asked and grinned.

"Do you remember last year when I talked about this girl in a bookshop?" Rachel asked, once again playing with her necklace. Kurt nodded, not really sure where she was going with it. Rachel didn't continue as she could see how his morphin high brain worked on overload behind his eyes until it finally clicked with him.

"No way." Kurt said, his jaw dropping. "No freaking way." he continued just as Rachel's phone went off. She reached into her black coat pocket to see what it was. Before she even opened her phone she knew who it was, but confirmed it as it was a number she didn't know. As she read the message a smile creeped unto her lips.

"Who is it? Is it her?" Kurt asked very excited. Rachel just nodded, not daring to trust her voice. "Well? Read it!" he told her as he tried to sit up a bit more. She swallowed before taking a deep breath.

"'To live is the rarest thing in this world. Most people exist, that is all.' - Oscar Wilde." she said before stopping to breathe again. Kurt holding his. "With you, I might just start living, and not just exist. Your friend, Quinn." Rachel said putting away her phone on the nightstand beside the bed and burying her face in her hands and squealed.

_Your friend, Quinn. Quinn. With you, I might just start living. Your friend, Quinn._ The text floating around in Rachel's head, every little word, every little letter, making it hard to breathe. Making her stomach fill with thousands upon thousands of butterflies. Making her whole body just wanting to do something and not just sit around.

"Rachel Berry, you do realize that this is probably the beginning to your very own romantic movie?" Kurt laughed and snatched her phone from the nightstand. Opening it to read it again. "She used a quote. She took time to find a good quote." Kurt said, reading the the message over and over again. "So, what are you going to answer?" He asked with a smile as he handed Rachel the phone. "You have to answer."

* * *

Quinn only really lived two or three blocks away from the party, but it was freezing outside so walking wasn't even something you could do with the dress she was wearing.

The whole, short, cab ride home she could feel Rachel's lips on her own. When she closed her eyes she saw flashing images of Rachel. Nothing special, just Rachel Berry in all her glory.

As the cab arrived two or three blocks away she paid the driver, bade him good night and got out of the cab. She hurried to get her keys out of her purse as just the mere seconds outside were making her freeze her fingers off.

She got into her apartment a smile still on her lips, but freezing in the moment quickly just as she closed the door. Her smile fading as she could hear loud moaning from the other bedroom across the livingroom. She didn't know what to do. Was she even suppose to do something? She decided that she wasn't going to do something so she quickly took of her shoes and her coat and put her keys in the bowl on the counter where she always put them, then continuing to her room just across the hall.

As she closed her door she sighed of relief hoping to God she would never have to hear her roommate have sex again.

When she laid down on her bed she could actually feel how she became tired very fast. It wasn't even that late, but she was tired. Before she did anything else though, she grabbed her phone she had put back in her pocket again and opened to write a new message to Rachel so Rachel could get her number. When she finished it and sent it to Rachel, she sighed and rolled out of bed.

_I'm the cheesiest person ever._ she thought as she started to change into her night clothes. A big old T-shirt she had kept since High School and pyjama shorts.

As she brushed her teeth she walked around her room, it wasn't big but it was a stupid habit she had to kill some time while brushing her teeth. Just as she turned around to go rinse, the door to her room opened and in came the roommate, naked. Wide eyed she turned around quickly.

"Oh, my. Puck! What are you doing?" She tried to say through all the toothpaste.

"I heard you came in, thought I'd just make sure everything's okay." He said with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"I mean what are you doing as in why are you naked, in my room?" Quinn clarified, trying to make her backwards over to the sink.

"Hey, pillow over my junior here Quinn." he said patting the pillow he was covering his junk with. "So again, you okay?" he asked again.

"Yes, but I'm not talking to you about anything when you are naked in the middle of the night and have a woman in you room!" she said looking up at him after rinsing. Just after she finished her sentence they could hear the front door close behind Puck. He looked at her with a smirk.

"You are still naked." she said and sat down on her bed. He turned around and ran into his room, and he was just as quickly back wearing a pair of Superman boxer briefs. He sat down on the bed in front of Quinn looking at her expectantly.

"I uhm- I'm...I think I'm a lot better than okay actually. Or, I know so. I'm definitely better than okay." she sighed and nodded more to herself than anything.

"Did you get laid?" Puck asked, laying down on the bed and propping himself up on his elbow. She didn't even answer to it, all she did was glare at him.

"Oh, something did happen at that party. Because you get all defensive when you have feelings you can't explain. I remember it. I've experienced the "Fabray-crazy-feelings-train" first hand." he said, a smirk on his face.

"I don't... There's no such thing." Quinn said, her death glare turning into a frown. It was Puck's time to just look and not say anything.

"Okay, I met someone." she murmured. "But it's-" she started but was interrupted by her phone getting a message. She reached for it, but before she could take it Puck was there and took it, backing away quickly to read it. He chuckled and gave the phone to her. She glared at him again before she looked down on the phone.

"'When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again' - Albert Einststein. I have fallen on my face, hard. Your _more_ than friend, Rachel." Quinn said, reading the message out loud. Letting herself fall backwards on her bed, chuckling, because she didn't know what else to do.

"Wow, I've heard about U-haul, but that's ridiculous." Puck said, mockingly.

"Shut up." Quinn huffed sitting up again.

"So, who is she?" Puck sighed.

"She's uhm- a broadway actress. So you wouldn't have heard of her. But she's uhm- incredible." Quinn said, sighing happily. "And I think that I might… or well, I'm pretty damn sure that I have fallen on face hard too." She said, looking at Puck who smiled.

"Well, all aboard the 'Fabray-crazy-feelings-train'." Puck said mockingly again. Quinn didn't care anymore of what he said about it, she knew that it was his way of being supportive. He stood up and started to walk out of her room.

"No wait. Wha- What do I answer? Do I answer? I mean I sent the first message do I answer then? Puck you can't leave, I need my texting wingman." she rambled and patted the bed where he had been.

"Quinn, I know this is pretty new to you. But from that message, you got game. Just don't screw it up." Puck said as he closed the door.

Quinn was left alone with her thoughts. What was she suppose to answer? Was she even suppose to answer? She typed out a reply on her phone but hesitated to send it.

"I don't believe you. Angels don't fall." It was stupid, but also so great. She hovered with her thumb over the send button.

_ Just do it. Come on! You can write yes, but not this kind of stuff. So this is as good as it gets Quinn._ She thought just before she hit the send button and buried her face in her hands

"That was so stupid." she groaned. And like that she sat for a couple of seconds until her phone notified her of another message.

"I have. And they do, but only for other angels." she read. She typed out another reply and looked at it. she sighed and deleted it. It was good, but she knew that the conversation could go on for a while and she was, contrary to Rachel's beliefs, only human. She needed to sleep.

"Good night, Rachel." she typed and sent. It wasn't long until Rachel replied.

"Good night, Quinn. (Ps. I'm so going to get a revenge on you for bailing on this conversation now)" it read. Quinn smiled and put away her phone. She finally crawled down into bed, and if she was tired before, heavens couldn't explain how tired she was now. She fell asleep almost instantly, just wanting to wake up again so it could be another day and she could talk to Rachel.


	4. 3 5 A Week

**A/N:** Heeeeeeey. So I didn't want this in the next chapter so I decided on a 3.5 chapter. It's just texting between them because I feel like it's necessary. School is taking over my life and everything in school is writing so I'm getting a bit of a writer's block. But yeah, here's some "innocent" texting. Live long and prosper!

* * *

**Two days.**

Did you always want to become a writer? Or is that like a "new" thing?

_Good morning to you too._

Morning. Back to the question.

_Okay, wow. I think that somewhere I've always loved writing but it didn't start to be an intense feeling of life or death until I was 15-16 something. Why?_

Just wondering. What did you want to be before that?

_A cat._

Haha. No but seriously I want to know.

_I'm dead serious. I wanted to be a cat. When I was a kid it was like a real thing I wanted to be but then it kind of turned into a running joke in my family._

Oh. Well, why not. Cat's are cute.

_Is that your way of saying I'm cute?_

Only if you want it to.

_I want it to._

Then it is.

_Thank you._

I don't get to hear I'm cute too?

_No. Or well, you'll hear it. Moany times, but not just now because it's a text._

1. Don't I get to read I'm cute too? 2. Was that just a typo which looks like a Freudian slip?

_1. Yes. You are cute too. Very very cute. 2. I'll just play it of by not answering because it seems more than likely that it was just a Freudian slip but I wouldn't admit to that now would I?_

1. Thank you. 2. I don't think you would but hey, I could make you moan that anytime.

_I'm going to pretend that I didn't just read that because we have just known each other for what? Two days?_

I think we are past that stage of not being able to say sexual things because of every kiss on the couch which was indeed two days ago.

_Funny. I can write long detailed sex scenes but I didn't know we were past that stage._

You serious right now? Because I can come over to your place and we could you know, get past that stage. Sometime after 5?

_I can't even explain what sound that just came out of my mouth because I have to say no. My roommate's home all day. And while he wouldn't mind us (trust me, he's a bit of a creep like that), I would mind him. And plus, I have to write._

I want to hear that sound Quinn, please?

_You're making it very hard to say no right now, but I have to work._

You could just say you are having company over and tell him to go do something.

_I've already talked to him about you, so you are Rachel to him and not company. But just trust me, he would find away to listen in._

Do I get to meet him?

_Yeah, some day. If I get to meet your mystery friend Kurt._

He's not a mystery friend. He's just Kurt. Kurt who is more excited over you than I am.

_You are not excited enough over me if he's more excited._

Quinn, trust me when I say that I'm very very excited. It's just that the last time I dated someone, which I'm presuming we are calling this, was in High School. And my only real friends are Kurt and the cast of 'Funny Girl' so he's excited over that.

_Okay. So what are you excited about?_

You are just asking for it, aren't you?

_My use of a question mark at the end of my sentence do signify that I am asking a question, Rachel. That's how question marks works._

Ha. ha. Let's change topic before I don't care about the roommate and do come over.

_Okay. Did you always want to become a broadway star/singer?_

Stupid question. Yes.

_How was I suppose to know it was a stupid question? Not everyone knows what their passion is when they come out of the womb._

Clearly.

_Mm._

So...When do I get to see you again?

_I don't know. As soon as possible. But I still don't know if I got the bookshop job and I'm living of my roommate and my parents so I need to work a lot on the book. Which feels so stupid because there's a big chance no one wants to publish it._

I still stand with what I said at the party, I have connections I can talk to for you.

_Thanks, but I don't know._

You don't know? I was saying that I could help you get your book published and you don't know?

_Mm, that's what I said._

Sometimes I don't understand you.

_Two days, Rachel, two days. You aren't suppose to or required to understand me all the time yet._

Well, sadly I have to go because we are doing some rehearsing. But I'll call my connections, and then I'll talk to you.

_Rachel. I still haven't said yes to it._

_Rachel!_

_Ugh, you aren't even going to answer so why am I still texting?_

* * *

**Three days**.

_Hey stranger._

Hey. Sorry about yesterday. I would've texted you but stuff happened.

_What kind of stuff?_

Uhm- RENT with Kurt and calls from my dads. And talking to them never ends.

_Dads? You could've texted me during that._

Yes, gay dads. I could've. But I didn't.

_Lucky you. Clearly._

I talked to my connections.

_I'm not even going to fight you on this anymore because it's not going to help_

Exactly. But they said that they're always up to reading stuff from new authors.

_Really?_

Really.

_Oh._

Oh what?

_Nothing. Just didn't think it was that easy._

It's easy because you have me. Question: How much is there left of the book for you to write?

_I guess I'm lucky to have you then. Answer: Not a whole lot actually._

Yes, you are. But I'm lucky to have you too. Another question: How long would you say it'll take?

_Thank you? Another answer: If I write about as much and as fast as I usually do. Three-four weeks maybe._

Good, now tell my connections that. They want you to mail them at . Just tell them what you told me.

_Which is what exactly?_

How long it'll take and maybe a little more exactly how much more you have to write.

_Okay. I have to take a shower now because I stink._

I'm debating about whether or not you just told me that because you thought it would be really funny to tease me with it, or if you told me because you won't answer my texts.

_Both._

I hate you.

_Mm, keep telling yourself that stranger._

Why stranger?

_Come again?_

Why "stranger"? I'm not a stranger, Quinn. (Also, you are still answering my texts.)

_I don't know. Want me to stop? (I'm stopping now.)_

Yes. (Please don't.)

Okay, you really did stop now.

_Yes, I did. But I'm back now. All wet and just in a towel._

Quinn Fabray!

_Yes, Miss. Berry?_

That's it, I'm coming over.

_You don't even know where I live._

No, I don't. But it's not that hard to find out.

_Okay, I'm sorry. But if you want this book to be finished you are not coming over._

Once again, I hate you.

_Once again, keep telling yourself that._

* * *

**Five days.**

I want you.

_Come again?_

I. Want. You.

_It's the middle of the night Rachel._

Yes, the best time to have you.

_Oh god. Rachel, go to sleep._

I've been trying for the past two hours. Not happening.

_Well, I'm not happening to you either. Not now._

Please? I can come over. You don't even have to move an inch.

_Five days, Rachel, five days._

You are making this very hard for me.

_What am I making hard for you?_

Functioning as a human being. Thinking. Working. Everything.

_Everything?_

Okay, not everything.

_Not everything including?_

Do you even have to ask?

_No, but I want you to say it._

You refuse me the right to come over so I'm not saying it.

_Fine._

Fine what? Fine, I get to come over?

_No. Fine as I don't want to hear it then._

Ugh. I know you want this too. Why aren't you letting it happen?

_It's a mystery._

I hate you.

_Good night, Rachel._

Good night, Quinn.

* * *

**Six days.**

_You know what day it is?_

Friday?

_Yes. But do you know what else?_

No, but I have a feeling you're going to tell me.

_It's the day we go for coffee at 2._

Oh, is it now?

_Yes._

Where?

_I don't know. You pick._

You know the Starbucks at 195 Broadway?

_Yes._

How about we meet up there?

_Sure._

Oh, and I'm sorry about last night. Or was it the night before that? Anyhow, I'm sorry.

_No need._

No, but really.

_Rachel, it's fine._

You sure?

_100%_

Good.

Does this mean I get to come over?

_What?_

Us meeting up again.

_Yes. Or me coming over to yours._

Really?

_Mhm._

You obviously can't see it, but I'm smiling like an idiot.

_I'm smiling like an idiot at that text._

I can see that.

_Oh, are you a stalker now?_

Yes. But right now I'm only imagining it.

_How nice. Does it look good on me? Smiling like an idiot?_

You always look good.

_Rachel Berry, you are such a smooth talker._

One of my many talents.

_Not doubting that. Well, I have to work. See you later._

What? No! We were just getting this conversation started, you can't leave!

_Watch me._

I hate you.

_You keep saying that. It's almost like you're trying to say you love me. But what would I know._

You know, I may be a smooth talker, but you have way with words I can't explain.

_One of my many talents._

See you later.


	5. Where Do Couples Come From?

**A/N**: Sorry for the abcense but school is kickin the shit out of me and I'm honestly not strong enough to stand up right now. So a little warning that it might take a little longer for me to write the chapters from now on, at least for now. But yeah, here's the new chapter, so sit back and enjoy because it's a loooong one. Live long and prosper!

* * *

Are you close?

_I'm going to strike my first answer and just say yes instead._

Quinn Fabray! You are such a perv.

_You asked me if I was close. You'd think the same thing. And what makes you think my first answer was dirty?_

No, I'm a saint. Because if it wasn't you would've sent it.

_If saint means you don't think dirty then we both know that no you're not, otherwise I could believe you. Fair enough._

How do you know I think dirty?

_Our conversations which could've easily have been turned into sexting or actual sex?_

Ugh, stupid. Again, are you close?

_Again, Rachel?! Really? Wow, it really is a good day to be pervert on._

Are you serious right now?

_Mhm._

You need help.

_You too. We could help each other, if you get I'm saying._

Quinn!

_Rachel!_

Are you close to the Starbucks or not?

_I'm there, Rachel, I'm there._

Okay, wow, I see what you mean about it being a good day to be a pervert on. Sorry for doubting you.

_Thank you._

They had been texting for the whole week since the party. Every day until one of them would break and really needed to get some sleep or just fall asleep without getting around to the good night part, making it feel like a natural part of the day already.

Quinn sent the last message just as she stepped foot in the same Starbucks she had seen Rachel in that time a year ago. Funny enough, it wasn't her idea. Rachel had come up with the idea to go for coffee at that exact Starbucks when Quinn had asked her if she was free that day. Depending on how you wanted to bend the story.

Quinn looked around in the ever so dark and brown Starbuck trying to find Rachel. Rachel doing the same thing. Finding each other and locking eyes they both smiled. Quinn quickly went up the Rachel at a table for two she sat at.

"Hey." They said at the same time and hugged. Both taking in the seconds. Taking in each others smells and touch. And the height difference. Oh god, _the height difference._

"I'm just going to get a coffee." Quinn said, hanging her coat on the chair and grabbed her wallet from the coat pocket. Rachel nodded as Quinn went back the same way she came in to go order a coffee.

_ God, how is she even real?_ Rachel thought sitting down on the chair again, sighing. Sipping on the latte she already had in front of her on the table.

After a couple of minutes Quinn came back with her cup of coffee, sitting down opposite to Rachel. Both still just smiling. Quinn started to sip on her coffee as Rachel continued.

"Oh, how's Kurt?" Quinn asked just to say something. Rachel put down her cup.

"He's recovering. I think he has watched all seasons of Grey's Anatomy at this point." Rachel answered chuckling. Quinn chuckling with her.

"Is that even humanly possible at this point?" Quinn asked frowning. Rachel shook her head, still chuckling. Then it went quiet again. There texting conversations were the best, like they'd been together since they were kids. But their real life conversation? It had it's major flaws. Something both of them blamed on nerves.

"You know, I've seen you before." Quinn sighed, looking down on her black coffee.

"Really?" Rachel asked, now it was her turn to frown. Quinn nodded.

"Here actually. Like a year ago or so." Quinn said and looked up from her coffee right into Rachel's eyes. Rachel opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again and smiled.

"I think that's why I acted a bit off in the beginning at the party." Quinn said and took another sip from her coffee.

"I've seen you too." Rachel said looking at Quinn who choked on her coffee. Rachel laughed a little at the blondes expressen.

"Almost a year ago, just like you. It was a bookshop actually." Rachel added.

"You got to be kidding me?" Quinn said more to herself than Rachel.

"No." Rachel answered "It was kind of...weird, actually. But I didn't talk to you obviously, something I regret now." she continued, sighing through a smile after.

"It's like. Wow. What is this? A movie?" Quinn laughed. Rachel laughed with her, shrugging.

"It's the red string of fate or whatever." Rachel chuckled sipping on her coffee. "The cat/writer and the star, obviously a destined couple." she added before taking a big gulp from her coffee to late realizing what she said. Quinn looked at her with a smiled leaning back in her chair.

"Destined _couple_?" Quinn asked, raising her eyebrows and smiling. Rachel took another big gulp of her coffee to buy herself sometime to think of an answer.

"Or you know, it's like… you know, that… it's uhm- like..." she rambled as she put down her coffee. She took a deep breath before trying again. "I don't know. I just kind of you know, have this feeling whenever I think of you or get a text from you. And now seeing you, it's the same feeling just it's a thousand times stronger." she said, looking at everything that wasn't Quinn or Quinn's eyes. Quinn however stared at Rachel, waiting for the girl to continue.

"I'm sorry. It's stupid and it's way too early to say that." Rachel sighed finally looking at Quinn who was smiling.

"People would agree with you, it's really early to say that. But it's the truth, and I know the feeling." Quinn said chuckling at Rachel's jaw dropping. "That's why you are coming over to my place tomorrow so I can cook you a pasta dinner. If you eat pasta that is. Nothing fancy really. Just some pasta, maybe some candles." Quinn continued.

"Yes, I- I eat pasta. But I'm a vegan so just make sure it's vegan." Rachel mumbled not really trusting her voice to speak clearly. Quinn nodded. "Vegan, noted."

They sat in silence taking in each others presence and what just happened, both taking big gulps from their coffee. Rachel was confused, the girl had seemed so… closed off? No, wrong word. Quinn had shown emotions, and plenty of them, but she wasn't as open about them as she was now. Thinking about it Rachel realized the girl hadn't been that open about her emotions now either, she was just asking, or telling, her to come over for pasta. Rachel knew that it was too late to realize she was probably in for an emotionally bumby ride with the girl, because she had already fallen harder than she was willing to admit.

Quinn drank the last of her coffee, the cup covering most of her face, before putting it down.

"Do you want get out of here?" she asked.

"Uhm- sure. Why not." Rachel answered, not bothering with her cup of coffee that was still half full (in her optimistic eyes).

* * *

Quinn hadn't planned on anywhere in particular until they were half way there. Rachel had asked her time after time where they were going and Quinn had just answered with "You'll see". But now she stood reading of the back of a book in the same bookshop where she still didn't know if she got a job in or not, and the same bookshop she had been in before she saw Rachel while getting coffee.

"Oh Rachel listen to this." Quinn said after reading the short sentence on one of the books. Rachel, who was on the other side of the bookshelf, moved a couple of books to see Quinn's face.

"A lifelong story about what it's like to know at fifteen who your heart belongs to and at what lengths a girl will go to in order to keep it there forever." Quinn read again, now for Rachel. She looked up from the book at Rachel with a smile. "Maybe a bit of forced red string of fate?" she added right before Rachel opened her mouth to talk.

"I don't know, it sounds… true, in some way. I mean I don't… I never. I was dating this guy in High School and at the time I would bet anything he was my soulmate but, not so much. So I wouldn't know what that's like. But I could imagine it." Rachel said waving her hands around, only putting them down when she had finished. Quinn looked at her, still smiling.

"I wish I could say I know what you mean. But uhm- the person I dated for the most of my High school years… I wasn't… We would never have lasted for different reasons. But we're still best friends, it's different from before it but we're still best friends." Quinn said, never looking at Rachel. Only on a random page in the book.

_ But I'm quivering, too. I'm trembling. I'm shaking. I'm terrified. I need nothing more than I need you. And you need nothing more than steady me. Well I'm not steady. I'm not steady at all. I may never be. Because that's what loving you… does to me._ She read, only hearing fragments of what Rachel said to her. She didn't want to admit it, but what she read, it made more sense than anything. It was more true than anything. But she couldn't let herself feel it. She couldn't let herself feel at all. But with every bone in her body, with every cell, she knew that not letting herself feel this, it was going to come around biting her in the ass with Rachel not standing it. But she also knew that letting herself feel, that too would come around biting her in the ass.

"Quinn?" Rachel said frowning at Quinn.

"What?" Quinn asked, quickly looking up from the book at Rachel, but just as quickly looking back at those words that mockingly stared her right in the face. _Damn it, Quinn, get a grip._ she thought and looked up again at Rachel.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked.

"Yes." Quinn answered.

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked.

_No…_

"Yes. I get lost in books, and my own thoughts. It's nothing." Quinn answered. Rachel smiled.

"Well, I was just saying how High School doesn't matter anymore. So, it doesn't matter what we felt then, right?" Rachel said. Quinn nodded, smiling.

Rachel tiptoed looking down at the book Quinn was holding. "What book is that?" She asked.

"Uhm- it's…" Quinn said and closed the book. "Should Have Asked For Directions." she continued and opened the book again on a new page.

"Read something." Rachel said, leaning on her head in her arms on the shelf. Quinn browsed the book trying to find words that would catch her attention. Nothing quickly stuck until…

"I, Bee, promise to stay faithful even though I'm hot. I promise to stay true even though I'm snarky. And I promise to come back to you even though I must fly to find my wings." Quinn read and looking up at Rachel who was smiling.

"Give me." She said as she stretched her arm out. Quinn gave her the book, she kept it open not knowing if Rachel wanted to read it with her own eyes.

"I, Short Stack, promise to stay faithful simply because I'm annoying and no one else wants me. I promise to stay true because I don't know how to lie. I promise to be here when you come back… because I can't exist without you." Rachel read and sighed. "Well, if you're not buying this book, I am." she said and gave back the book to Quinn. Quinn took it and rounded the bookshelf to get to Rachels side.

"Don't worry 'bout it, I'm definitely buying it." Quinn said walking past Rachel to the cashier. Rachel stayed where she was, just looking at Quinn. She damned her heart for falling for Quinn, she told her knees to start exercising, and she told her brain to think clearly. But it never mattered, and it never would, because she could tell her whole body stop doing that thing it does when she saw Quinn, or heard her, or thought of, or anything Quinn happened, it wouldn't stop. And she hated it, just as much as she loved it. She lost herself in her thoughts of Quinn, and even though she saw Quinn backing away from the cashier wishing him a good day, she lost herself even more. Quinn quietly walked past Rachel out of the shop, and Rachel… she followed Quinn like a puppy.

"I was thinking about bacon, because I do love bacon, but you wouldn't mind me eating it? Because I as said love bacon." Quinn said walking a little ahead of Rachel.

"Mm." Rachel hummed looking at Quinn, still lost in her thoughts.

"Hello, Rachel? Quinn to Rachel, do you copy?" Quinn chuckled seeing that Rachel wasn't all there. Rachel snapped out of it.

"Sorry, I uhm- no, eat it all you want." Rachel said and looked at her feet to try and snap out of it completely. Even if she could, which she couldn't, she would've soon realized it was futile because when she looked up at Quinn again, she started to drift off again. She had to make a conversation to stay with Quinn, to stay in reality. But how much she tried to think of something to talk about, nothing came out of her. And Quinn stayed just as quiet. They were both amazed at how comfortable it was. There wasn't an awkward silence as the silence in Starbucks had felt, this was comfortable. This was a good silence. It was a silence you could have sleeping next to each other.

"I'll see you at… 8, tomorrow?" Quinn said turning towards Rachel when they were back outside the same Starbucks. Once again the destination wasn't anything they had actively thought about, it just happened.

"Perfect." Rachel said smiling. Quinn started to reluctantly walk away.

"Wait!" Rachel yelled after her. "I still don't know where you live." she said when Quinn turned around.

"No, you don't. But it's not that hard to find out." Quinn said with a hint of a smile, because that was the exact same thing Rachel had said when Quinn said that Rachel didn't even know where she lived one night. She turned back around and started to walk again.

"But, wait!" Rachel yelled again. Once again Quinn stopped and turned around.

"You need to sto…" She started but was abruptly interrupted by Rachel's lips on hers, Rachel's hands on her neck. As the surprise wore off she sighed into the kiss putting her arms around Rachel's waist pulling her closer.

Damn. They both thought. If they had any doubt about this, it was gone. If they'd had felt even a little cold, it was impossible to still feel cold. Rachel broke away from the kiss but they rested their foreheads on each others, both still had their eyes closed. Their fingers intertwining

"I live close by, just… come with me." Rachel said. Quinn chuckled and shook her head as she stood up straight looking at Rachel. "Please. I can't do tomorrow, I have to have now." Rachel pleaded. Quinn shook her head and started to back away her hands still in Rachel's.

"I'll see you 8 tomorrow." Quinn said as she loosened her hands from Rachel's who still tried to hold on to them. Rachel was left standing there. No. Rachel was rooted there. Because oh how she tried to defy the taller blonde girl and run after her, having now and not tomorrow, she just couldn't. Something told her it was better this way. Something told her that if she pushed the girl even the slightest, this precious thing they had, would break. So, it didn't matter how much she wanted to run after Quinn, the risk of that was too big to take.

And Quinn, she wanted to have now too, but she couldn't. Because having tomorrow was better. Having tomorrow meant she would have time to think about she was doing. Think about how this thing they had could break so easily, thinking how easily she could break Rachel. Think about everything she did not want to think about. About Santana. About her parents. About Puck. About pasta. Think about everything that made her want to have tomorrow and not now. And she did want to turn around and tell Rachel to come along with her. She couldn't, because she needed to think. So they never had now, they had tomorrow. But that was good enough, for now. Because one moment, one day. Tomorrow wouldn't be enough, and now was going to be their only option. One day tomorrow was going to be a distant word, or only mean more time in which to have now's. So Rachel stood there being scared and hopeful and in love and every other human emotion she could feel, and Quinn walked away thinking about Rachel, and tomorrow, and pasta. She too scared and hopeful and in love. Just in her own way.

* * *

I know you said nothing fancy, but are you _wearing _something fancy?

_Not really, why? Do you have kinks?_

What if I do? Does that bother you?

_No. What if I do? Does that bother you?_

No. So, do you?

_Do I what?_

Have kinks?

_You'll have to wait and see._

Until when? After dinner? Before dinner? Both?

_Rachel._

What?

_You are very… eager._

Question: Couch at the party. Where were we heading with that.

_Answer: Doesn't matter._

It does, Quinn, it does!

_No. But hey, back to the other question leading into this. Why are you asking about what I'm wearing tonight?_

Because I want to know what I'm tearing off of you.

_I'm sighing because I walked right into that one, but I also think that is very hot._

I do my best.

_Okay, again. Why did you ask?_

Okay, serious this time. Because I don't want to be overdressed or underdressed. And then I had a meltdown about it and briefly thought about only wearing a coat and in which when you ask me if you could take my coat I would be wearing nothing but heels.

_(Kink.) But yeah, uhm- you could do that, but we would never get around to the eating. At least not of the pasta (and trust me you want to eat my pasta, it's amazing (everyone says so)). But in all honesty, I'm wearing the same as at the party, I have no imagination when it comes to clothes._

(What? Heels? Because that has be a tough life.) I'm not doing that. At least not yet because I'm 100% sure that your pasta is amazing.

_(I'm not saying more than that.) Well, I'll see you later then because I'm going to take a shower now, and then I'm not answering your messages if it doesn't say something like "I'm dying. Can't come."_

Before you go, Quinn. I know this might be super early, but what are we but early about anything in this… whatever we decide on that is, but I hate you, you know that right?

_I know._

That's all I get? No I hate you too?

Quinn?

Really?

Now? I just told you that I hate you, which we both know does not mean that I hate you, and you decide on actually take a shower and then not answer any of my texts?

I'm dying. Can't come.

Quinn, I said. I'm dying. Can't come.

You're stupid.

_Your face is stupid._

AHA! You answered.

Quinn?

OKAY YOU WIN! I GIVE UP! (See you at 8. I hate you).

As 8 rolled around Quinn placed all the food on the table she had set for two and lit some candles.

"She's here soon." Puck said, leaning against the closed door to his room.

"Yeah, and I told you to leave like 10 minutes ago." She answered without looking away from the mirror where she did some last minute touch ups of her make up.

"I want to meet her so I'm leaving when she's here." Puck said walking over to Quinn and putting his hands on her shoulders to turn her around.

"You know something about your eyes?" He asked, Quinn looked at him waiting for the thing about her eyes. "They show everything you feel, you just have to be good at decrypting them." he continued.

"Oh really? How about now then?" Quinn chuckled. Puck still looking dead serious.

"You're scared. Because you think that Rachel's amazing. And the last time you let yourself feel was with Santana and we all know how that turned out." He said. Quinn looked down at her feet and swallowed at the mention of Santana.

"You and I happened after Santana, Puck." she said and looked up at him again.

"You never let yourself feel with me. I know that now. 'Cause I know how it is when you really feel." he said with an half smile, just as someone knocked on the door. Rachel. They exchanged a look before Quinn walked up to the door and opened it. Her jaw drop. Rachel was stunning.

"I… You uhm-..." she said as the weirdest of noises came out of her mouth.

"You too." Rachel chuckled before turning to Puck who had made his way over to the door.

"Rachel. You must be her roommate?" Rachel said politely. Stretching her hand out to shake his.

"Noah. But just call me Puck." he said and shook Rachel's hand making his way past Quinn and out on the steps, closer to Rachel's ear. "She's happy, happier than I've ever seen her." he whispered backing away and winking at Rachel. Her smile turning into a grin.

"Well, I'll be on my way. Enjoy the "pasta"." he said walking down the steps and away from them. And when he was gone Quinn still didn't trust her voice to say "Come in" so she just moved out of the way.

"Wow, it's smells incredible here." Rachel said sniffing, starting to take of her coat. Her pack turned towards Quinn. Quinn almost expected Rachel to be naked under. Half of her wanting it more than she wanted anything right now, half of her facepalming at how stupid the thought was.

"It's the pasta sauce." Quinn said, closing the door behind them and walking past Rachel through the living room and into the kitchen. Rachel following her.

"You uhm- you look amazing." Quinn finally managed to say. Rachel didn't really wear anything special. Just a red dress, with her hair up.

"Thank you. You too." Rachel said and seated herself at the table. Quinn did the same and gestured for Rachel to go first.

"If it taste a bit… weird in the beginning it's because I usually have cheese in it but, vegan." Quinn said as Rachel started to scoop up pasta sauce on her spaghetti. "I did it once without cheese and it's still just as good but it's not the same." she added as she herself scooped up food.

"Did you have to google that?" Rachel asked, smiling.

"What?" Quinn said.

"That cheese isn't vegan." Rachel said.

"No." Quinn said.

"You're amazing." Rachel said.

"I do my best." Quinn said, smiling.

"However, I wouldn't notice a difference since I haven't eaten it before." Rachel said matter-of-factly.

"Guess not." Quinn chuckled, taking a bite. She watched Rachel take her first two bites of the food, her eyes growing wider, and a sigh escaping her after swallowing the second bite. Quinn enjoyed every single second of it.

"Was it any good?" Quinn asked with a grin, already knowing the answer.

"You'll be cooking this for me every day from now on." Rachel answered before taking another bite. And after that Rachel got so occupied with eating and Quinn to occupied watching Rachel eat, that they simply slipt into a comfortable silence again. The music Quinn had put on now noticeable.

Quinn didn't know what to do with herself. All the emotions making her hyper, she just wanted to run around. And for every smile they'd exchange it made her heart do double takes, and her head think about those lips on hers, and that too making her heart do double takes.

_ Rachel_ didn't know what to do with herself. She wanted to scream every time she thought about the words Puck said, which she could still hear him whispering in her ear. _She's happy, happier than I've ever seen her._ she repeated in her head. When they were both finished they both leaned back in their chairs, the music in the background changing.

"All of these line across my face, tell you the story of who I am. So many stories, where I've been." the woman on the track sang.

"I love this song." Rachel sighed happily, looking at Quinn. "Thank you. For everything. This, yesterday. It's…" she said not finding a word to truly explain it.

"I know." Quinn said with a smile. She stood up and walked out of the room. Rachel following her. When Rachel stopped next to Quinn, Quinn had her hands on her hips and looked at her couch.

"This is a couch." Quinn said and turned to Rachel. "So we're not sitting there." she continued. Rachel frowned.

"Then where are we sitting?" she asked. Quinn looked up.

"Well, we only have like three alternatives. That's the floor, Pucks bed, or my bed." she said looking at Rachel again. Rachel chuckled, biting her lip. They both already knew the answer, because it was so simple. But still they just stood there looking at each other, both smiling. Neither closed the distance, they didn't do anything. They just stood there.

As the song changed again Rachel walked up the open computer and turned up the volume and finally closed the distance.

_ Lay where you're laying, don't make a sound._ Rachel softly kissed Quinn and Quinn put her arms around Rachel's waist, it was the routine. Kiss, waist, break away, walk away. Kiss, waist, break away, walk away.

_I know they're watching, they're watching._ Rachel couldn't stand it anymore. Quinn couldn't stand it anymore. The routine had to change, they had at least make it longer, better, with alternative endings.

_ All the commotion, the kiddie like play. Has people talking, talking._ Rachel cursed wearing a dress, and she cursed Quinn for wearing one. A T-shirt would've been easy to lift to have some skin to skin contact. But she also cursed the routine and all it flaws, and started to lift Quinns dress slowly trying to see if that was an okay move. And Quinn unzipping her was that sign.

_ You, your sex is on fire._ Quinn deepened the kiss just before breaking away to let Rachel pull off her dress.

"We are really doing this?" she asked before quickly kissing Rachel again.

"Looks that way." Rachel answered as she took of her dress. Quinn's hands wandering all over her body but stopping at her hands. Quinn started to back away, and the ache between Rachel's legs traveled up to her lips and her heart and then out to her whole being.

"Come." Quinn said as she turned around and lead Rachel to her room.

"I was planing on it." Rachel whispered.


	6. Tell Me All About It

She hoped for some clarity when the cold water ran down her whole body. All she wanted was a little clarity. But as the seconds went by it became seemingly unlikely and she turned on the hot water.

The glass around her started to fog up and out of habit she raised her hand to write on it. Usually she would just draw something silly but something in her compelled to write. _Berry-Fabray._ She looked at it. It was so stupid. She wanted to just wipe it away but instead she wrote _Quinn & Rachel_ over it. She sighed and shook her head as she wiped it away.

Clarity, that was all she needed.

* * *

"God you're hot." Rachel said once they were in Quinn's bed. Quinn didn't answer but kissed Rachel harder as Rachel was making her way on top of Quinn. "I mean really, you're like an angel." Rachel said she traced her hands up and down Quinn side.

"Less talk, more sex." Quinn uttered to her own surprise. Because the only thing her head could do was run on overload about how wrong this was. But it didn't feel wrong. It never felt wrong. Only time it ever felt wrong with someone was with… Puck.

"Yes Ma'am." Rachel chuckled. The kissing got more intense for every second that went by.

* * *

As she woke up she could hear the water running from the shower and horns of a car outside honking. She sat up in the room which was still dark, touching her forehead and crunching as a horrible pain spread through her head.

"Did I really have that much wine?" she said to herself, not daring to think it with the headache. She wanted to get out of the bed, get dressed and hide. In the kitchen, under the bed, in Puck's room. She just wanted to hide. She couldn't explain why, not even to herself. Because there was no need to hide. As she heard the water stop running she layed down again. Waiting. Listening.

* * *

Quinn couldn't do it. God how she wanted to, but he couldn't. Something told her that she would regret it. That giving herself to Rachel this much already, would hurt her in ways she could never imagine. So pushing away Rachel from herself and their kissing hurt her soul and her whole being.

"I can't." Quinn sighed, closing her eyes. She could feel Rachel move away. "I'm sorry." Quinn said, covering her face with her hands. She could hear Rachel sigh, but she could also feel Rachel's hands still on her.

"I-It's fine." she said.

* * *

She lingered at the door, dreading to open it. Unknowing that the other woman had turned her back to the door and decided on playing being asleep for just a little longer.

After minutes of brooding she finally opened it. A wall of guilt hit her when she saw the bare back of the perfect brunette.

"You awake?" she said quietly so not to wake her if she was still asleep, her voice unsteady. Rachel couldn't do it. She couldn't play being asleep after hearing Quinn.

"No. I'm very much asleep." Rachel sighed.

"Okay. I was thinking I'd make us coffee but if you want to… talk." Quinn said still standing on the exact same spot even though she wanted to run out of the room. Rachel turned around to her back and stared at the ceiling.

"Was I wrong? I mean I had this feeling that this,_ us_. That… I don't know, that you wanted me just as much as I want you. Was I wrong?" Rachel said and sighed. She saw Quinn in the corner of her eye, laying down next to her and propping herself up on her elbow.

"No." Quinn simply stated. Her voice steady, for now.

"Then why? Why… Why couldn't you?" Rachel asked waving her arms around almost hitting Quinn in the face.

"Because I'm n- It's complicated, Rachel. Just leave it at that. Trust me, you don't want the whole truth, not yet." Quinn said suddenly eye to eye with Rachel who dragged hers from the ceiling to Quinn's.

"I'm naked in your bed, I believe I'm entitled to the whole truth that I want." Rachel said. Quinn sighed before getting out of bed and walked out of the room.

"You can't just walk away from this, Quinn!" Rachel yelled after her sitting up in the bed.

"Watch me!" Quinn laughed. She didn't want to laugh. The topic was serious, and she really didn't want to talk about. So, just as talking about it, she stopped thinking about it.

While Quinn started making them coffee Rachel got of the bed and started getting dressed. Both knowing that Quinn walking away from it would cause problems.

When Rachel walked into the kitchen Quinn was sitting on the counter with a cup of coffee. Another one standing next to her. Rachel didn't say anything. She waited for Quinn to make the first move. If she wasn't going to get the whole truth then why bother. However, what Quinn felt was a silent treatment. But she played along with it and didn't say anything either. But when the coffee was drunk and there had been ten minutes or so, Quinn couldn't do it. She knew that she was going to have to be the one who started.

"So, what do you want for Christmas?" Quinn broke, leaning back a little and crossing her arms. Rachel did the same. Leaned back and crossed her arms. But she didn't say anything. There was nothing from the girl. Not a word, not a sounds. Not even an expression.

"Rachel." Quinn huffed. "I don't know everything about you, and I probably never will. You can't just stop talking to me because I won't tell you one thing." said hopping down from the counter and taking the chair next to Rachel.

"I'm Jewish. But to answer your question, I only want one Miss Quinn Fabray. But I've decided to do the same. It will be hard yes, but I can do it." Rachel rambled. Once again waving her arms around.

"Do the same what? I don't get it?" Quinn asked just as Rachel's phone started ringing.

"Keep things from you." Rachel said while jogging to her bag in the hallway where her phone was. Quinn sighed looking down on her fingers. She wished she could just say it. I'm not… Rachel, I'm not… No. Couldn't they just live in this illusion for awhile longer? It was obviously not perfect but all Quinn wanted was to not have to break the bubble they had and enter reality of life again. She could hear Rachel saying her goodbyes on the phone. Then putting her phone back in the bag.

"Who was it?" Quinn asked, still looking at her fingers. Rachel leaned against the wall looking at Quinn.

"I'm not telling you that. But I am telling you that Kurt texted me and said he needed help. So I have to leave." Rachel said and sighed. Quinn looked up and once again they were left in silence just looking at each other.

* * *

"Then what?" Kurt asked his eyes wide. "Please don't tell me you just left after that!" he said, staring at Rachel who sighed. They layed next to each other in his bed.

"What was I suppose to do? She doesn't want to talk about it." Rachel said looking at the ceiling. Kurt joined the club and sighed, staring up at the ceiling.

"What if it's bad?" Rachel asked, suddenly scared. What if it was bad? What if she lived like a double life? Or was into drugs? Or… anything. Rachel didn't want to think about it, but there she laid, her head running wild with all the kinds of bad she could think of.

"Oh, dads called. I'm going home for papa's birthday. You wanna come with me? I could use some company." Rachel said turning her eyes to Kurt who grinned at the word home.

"I would. But I have nothing to do to at home. I have no family. No friends. You are going to have to keep yourself company." he said, he too turning his eyes to Rachel. "Or find someone else." he added knowingly.

"No." she huffed. "Bad answer. Bad plans. But will you be okay on your own here?" she said with a smile. Kurt nodded. He opened his mouth to say something when Rachel's phone started ringing. Rachel turned around to look at it and answered.

"Hey, papa. I was about to call you." She said looking at Kurt with a smile. "Yes, I will. No, he's not. No. Because there is no one else. No. Papa, stop it. Of course. Okay. Love you too." she said within the manner of seconds before hanging up and getting out of bed.

"I need to go sulk in private. Are you sure you don't want to come with home?" She said, stretching a little. Kurt nodded again. "Okay then." she said before walking away. She sat down on her bed and grabbed her computer. Clicking around her favorite site for flight tickets. Tickets to get home. Tickets to run away.

She grabbed her phone after booking a flight and texted her dads to say it. And before she knew it she pressed _Catwriter_ and scrolled through Quinn and her conversations. It was something you would do when you break-up, but all Rachel was looking for was any indication that she had done something wrong. She knew she wasn't the problem. But still she couldn't help but to blame herself a little.

She started to write.

* * *

"I'm going away for a couple of days. Papa's turning 50." Quinn read and put her phone away without answering. She looked back at the computer screen. Then only source of light in the dark room. The page containing only a sentence stared back at her. It laughed at her, and at how everything around her created a big ball of too much and writer's block. It laughed at how pathetic she felt.

Quinn put her fingers on the keyboard ready to write something. She couldn't. Her brain had made a complete block. It was like it made an ultimatum. You tell Rachel and you get back your writing. If not, you'll marry writer's block. She knew that she would have to tell Rachel sooner or later. Later rather than sooner. She grabbed her phone again to answer.

"I'm just asking for a little time. If you knew, you'd understand." she wrote down in a new text and sent it to Rachel. She knew that she wouldn't get any writing done so she closed her computer. She sighed as she got out of bed and walked to Pucks room. He was playing one of his thousands action games.

"I need a pity party. You up for some ice cream?" she asked leaning against the door. He nodded, but his eyes never left the TV. Quinn fetched the ice cream from the freezer and two spoons and went back into Puck's room.

"I think I'm going to screw this up." she said and sat down next to Puck. He hummed, way into the game to answer properly.

"I mean it wouldn't be the first time." she said scooping a spoon full of ice cream in her mouth. "I always screw it up." she added before scooping up the same amount of ice cream and held it out to Puck who opened his mouth.

"What was it you said? Quinn Fabray crazy train?" She asked leaning back against the wall behind them.

"Fabray-crazy-feelings-train." He corrected her as a he finished the level by stepping into an elevator. "So what. She probably has a Berry-crazy-feelings-train. Just go get her. Tell her. She'll get it." he said taking a spoon from her and scooping up two big scoops of ice cream and shoving them into his mouth.

"I'm not so sure, Noah. I need time that's all, and I'll fix it without telling her." she said and sighed.


	7. The Needed Time

A/N: So, I went on winter break thinking that I'd finally kicked my writer's block in the balls. Turns out, no. So I'm truly sorry that I'm writing this incredibly slow, but I really can't manage writing right now for some reason. Stupid writer's block. So, now I'm back in school hoping routine will make me write again. Live long and prosper!

* * *

Once again Quinn was left sitting in the kitchen with a coffee at her side, and with a blank document staring back at her. Her fingers touched the keys on the board but didn't press anything, she couldn't. Since Rachel left her house two days ago, she had been left with a feeling of incredible self-doubt and regret. But she couldn't do anything. Her fingers and lips were paralyzed from telling Rachel what she felt and what was stopping her.

She leaned back in the chair and sighed, picking up her mug to sip on the now cold coffee. Her inability to tell Rachel of her past was becoming her inability to write. But how was she possibly going to tell Rachel anything if she was still trying to repress it all herself? The urge to call Rachel and ramble her life story under one breath so she could finally feel right being with her and feel right touching her, was not helping her.

The simple thought of touching Rachel was the spark to make her thoughts run wild, and a lightning hit her to write. _Write for your life_. It was what it said. Just write and you'll think of something else than your hands all over Rachel. Oh, God.

_ All_ over Rachel.

Her hands started to tremble as they now pressed the keys as fast as she ever could. Not a single sentence she wrote made sense to her. She just wrote to think of everything that wasn't Rachel.

But the lighting of a plan that hit her backfired as the scene she was writing quickly turned hotter and hotter and all she could think of was the one thing she didn't want to think of. The plan was probably doomed from the beginning. Like telling someone to not thinking about pink elephants and the one thing they can't stop thinking about is going to be pink elephants.

The page that had been blank for days was now turning into three, four, five pages of story, just to occupy her. She didn't want to think anymore, not just about Rachel, but in general just wanted to not think. All she wanted was for someone to just, do something! Help her. Slap her. Whatever was needed she wished for someone to do. Her phone vibrating once beside the laptop with Rachel's name on display, was not that, it was not the the right someone. She sighed before picking up the phone to read the text.

"I have to see your face. I have to see it smile and I have to see it talk. This is me asking if you have Skype?"

* * *

Rachel was sitting in the old familiar couch at home. Her dads had never been boring, and she'd always enjoyed any time they spent to the fullest. But when all she could think of was Quinn, it was hard to enjoy any time at all that wasn't with Quinn. As she sent the text all she could do was wait. And she waited. She waited for four hours until Quinn finally answered.

As she sat at the dinner table those four hours later she didn't know what she was expecting, but still disappointment spread through her body when all Quinn had sent back was "Yes. " and all she wanted was to run up to her old room, open her laptop and add Quinn now. But even for Rachel Berry running away like that would seem strange.

However, when Leroy started to drift off to sleep in his armchair to the soft music, she felt like it was okay to just walk away. Up to her old room, open her laptop slowly and then add Quinn to her Skype contacts. This time it didn't take long. Quinn accepted her request almost instantly and was the first one to write hey. Rachel wrote hey but erased it to press the video chat button. She didn't want to write with the girl, she wanted to talk with the girl. She wanted to see Quinn, that was the whole point of this. And once again it didn't take long for Quinn to accept. Seconds of silence started to tick away as their cameras were adjusting and because neither knew what to say, or who even was going to be the one to break the silence.

"I'm sorry. I want to tell you, I just… can't. Not yet." Quinn said, breaking the silence that was close to turn into a minute. Once again there was a short silence between them.

"I get it. Or well, I don't really. But I'll try my best." Rachel said and sighed. Quinn smiled slightly. "Thank you." she said softly.

"Also, I'm sorry about dinner night, again. It has to do with the thing and I just can't with that either because of it." Quinn added, trying to get some real confirmation that it was okay between them.

"Got it." Rachel nodded. "I just thought with the couch at the party and everything. I guess I shouldn't assume things like that." Rachel continued, looking down on her phone she had in her hands.

"No, I totally get that you did that. I mean the couch thing was… you asked where it was heading but we both know where it was heading. So, I totally get it." Quinn said quickly. It went quiet and they both smiled.

"Oh, crap!" Quinn suddenly burst. "I'm sorry, I have a meeting with that publisher tomorrow morning. I really need to head to bed if I want any chance of waking up at all tomorrow." she frowning sadly. She would trade a whole lot to have another minute, or another hour with Rachel on Skype. But it was almost so late it was early for Quinn. Rachel sighed.

"Call me when you're finished, I want to know how it went." Rachel said smiling a little sad smile.

"I'm sorry." Quinn said.

"Don't be." Rachel said.

"You're not smiling that special glowing awesome smile." Quinn said. "You're just… smiling." she added.

"I don't smile like that all time." Rachel said.

"With me you do." Quinn said.

"That's a lie." Rachel said, suddenly aware that what Quinn said was actually very true.

"If you say so." Quinn said smiling knowingly, seeing how Rachel was working it out. "I'll call you tomorrow." Quinn added before smiling widely and hanging up and turning off the computer.

After brushing her teeth she lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Something happened inside her and she quickly reached for the phone and opened a new message.

_ Rachel, Rachel, hey, hey Rachel, Raaaachel. I hate you :)_

I hate you too :)


	8. The Ghost of a Hudson

"Rachel, are you coming? We need to leave!" Leroy shouted up the stairs at Rachel. He could hear a nearby huff before she came down the said stairs.

"What if I meet someone I know and really don't want to meet? Or worse, someone I can't remember but really should remember?" She said looking at Leroy. He raised an eyebrow before hugging her. "No one's left here." he laughed.

"Yeah, yeah. But if I do meet someone I know, you owe me." she said pointing at him. He laughed, nodding.

They walked out of the door and got into the car in silence. Leroy pulled out of the driveway and smiled at her with that special Leroy smile that always made her feel warm and fuzzy and like she was the best.

"How's Kurt?" he asked and turned on the radio. The silence that usually filled the car without it was unbearable but even when talking it was nice to have some music going in the background of a conversation.

"Apart from the broken legs thing, good." Rachel answered nodding a little. "I tried calling but he didn't answer so I hope something didn't happen again." she added.

"So how's life then? I know we talked about it but you always have something extra to add." Leroy asked, quickly glancing at Rachel who looked down at her fingers that she nervously played with.

"I might've… met, someone." she said softly. She didn't understand why it was suddenly so hard to talk about it. It wasn't like she had trouble talking about… ugh. "But it's- I don't know, hard? Weird? But also totally different from anything I've had before and _she's_ totally different." she added looking up at Leroy again, swallowing a little at the she.

"She? Since when…" Leroy started, a smirk creeping upon his lips.

"Since always I think." Rachel said. "I mean, I've never actually had feelings for a girl but I've never closed my mind to it." she said.

"Huh. Well, tell me about her." Leroy said, once again quickly glancing at her. Rachel sighed. Where to begin. Maybe the part where just the way Quinn looked at her made her heart do double takes? Or maybe how Quinn didn't trust her enough to tell her what was going on behind that pretty face?

"She's uhm- for a lack of a better word to describe her, perfect." Rachel said, a smile on her lips from the good thoughts of Quinn. The thoughts that just involved the perfect picture of Quinn and her.

"And? What does she do? Where's she from? Come on, tell me more." Leroy said.

"She's an author. Or well, still unpublished but she's getting there. She's from…" Rachel said and trailed of covering her mouth with her hand. "I don't know. I- I don't know." she almost whispered.

Leroy pulled into the parking lot and quickly found a spot in between two red trucks, almost identical. He turned of the engine and sighed. He looked at her with a little smile.

"How long have you known each other?" Leroy asked and started to grab his wallet and phone.

"Since a little before Christmas." She answered looking at him. Leroy opened his door and got out of the car. Rachel followed his lead.

"I barely know her. She barely knows me. Is that a realistic thing? I mean, can you have real feelings for someone you barely know?" she rambled as they started walking towards the entrance of the store.

"I'm really not the one to answer that question. But I guess, yes and no?" Leroy said and shrugged. "Maybe it's real feelings but it's for the thought of her? But honestly, I don't know. It's your heart, your feelings." he added. Rachel looked down on her feet as they kept walking in silence.

Was that it? Was it the thought of Quinn, of love, that she had feelings for? Because there was no denying that the feelings were there. She kept walking in silence, occasionally humming humouring her dad who talked as they walked around the store.

"Rachel?" she heard an all too familiar voice say. It wasn't her dad. It wasn't Burt. It wasn't anyone she ever, ever, hoped to meet again. She looked up from her feet and turned around to the tall, well built, man whose frown turned to a grin as he saw her face.

"Finn." she answered. Seeing his smile again made her inside scream of guilt and shame.

"I haven't seen you in what? Three years? Four years?" he asked closing the distance between them in a hug. Leroy stood behind Rachel looking at the interaction with a smile. He never did get to hear the story of what actually happened that night she cried herself to sleep in her bed instead of spend the night at Finn's.

"Both. We haven't seen each other in three years. We haven't talked in four." she said, hugging Finn back. Her feelings of guilt and shame started to turn into warmth and happiness as she saw just how happy he seemed.

"So, how are you?" he asked awkwardly shifting his weight to his left.

"Good, good. You?" she said with a smile.

"Good." he said. "I've been working for Burt so I make a living." he added.

"So I heard." she said. "Well, we need to finish up shopping but it was nice seeing you." she continued.

"Yeah, yeah. Say hi to Kurt from me when you get back." he said.

"I will." Rachel said as she turned around to her dad. When her back was fully towards Finn she dropped the smile as all the guilt and shame came rushing back together with the memories of Finn and her.

"Let's go home." Leroy said seeing how quickly Rachel's smile disappeared. Once again Rachel was quiet, looking at her feet. She kept looking at her feet from the spot to the cashier and to the car. Both Leroy and her in silence. Once in the car Leroy turned to Rachel with a serious expression. As if he was ready to ground her.

"What happened? Between you two." he asked. Rachel squeezed her eyes shut and sighed.

"It's a long story and it's not important." she said, opening her eyes to look into Leroy's eyes.

"You've said that every time I've asked. You haven't even told Kurt what happened." Leroy said, raising his voice. Rachel flinched out of reflex.

"Yes, I have." she said.

"I thought so too, but I asked him and not even he knows. What. Happened?" Leroy tried again. Rachel looked at him. Her internal debate with the long pro's and con's list could continue endlessly but she decided just as her father eyes went from frustration to desperation.

"Fine." she sighed as she leaned her head back.

* * *

_Four years earlier. _

"No, Rachel wait. That's the wrong… no wait, that's… Okay, sorry just go ahead." Finn frowned looking on the instruction on how to assemble the new bought tent.

"Finn, I have almost all A's, I think I can assemble a tent with instructions." she said, smirking. He dropped his hands and let the instruction fall lightly like a leaf to the ground.

"Fine. Then you don't need me here. I'll go get us some ice cream." he said as he walked past her.

"In the middle of nowhere?" she frowned.

"There's an old man who lives like ten minutes from here. I've kind of befriended him and he gives me ice cream when Puck and I come here." he said without looking back.

After ten minutes Rachel was done with the tent. She started to assemble a respectable place to sleep although her general belief was that there is nothing respectable about camping in the middle of nowhere. No toilets. No shower. No anything. But Finn had talked her into it because "it would be nice with a night to themselves".

She knew what it meant, a night to themselves. He couldn't have made it clearer what he had been waiting for the past two years that they'd gone out. She knew he didn't mean to make it so obvious, but the fact was that he did make it very obvious to her.

Another ten minutes of waiting after everything was finished and she could see Finn in the distance licking a ice cream, holding another one in his free hand.

"Wow, who knew you're such a tent master?" he laughed, handing her the ice cream when he was finally back. He sat down on a bench he had made out a small fallen tree and a couple of big stones.

"I have many hidden skills. Even hidden to myself it seems." she laughed sitting down next to him. They sat in silence eating their ice creams, Finn's arm around her waist.

The evening was quite uneventful. Rachel had expected to at least she a couple of animals but all she could do was hear them in the bushes. But no, they had the same old conversation they always had when things got weird. Because that was the only word she could use to describe it. The feeling between them when they both knew what could happen was weird and it was like they were strangers again.

Finn's clock read 11.34 when they both had finished with their nightly routine. Finn's only consisting of brushing his teeth and changing to his night shirt. Rachel's now compromised to brushing her teeth, her hair and then changing to her pink pyjamas. It usually consisted of so much more but with the lack of a bathroom and running water she had to make do without it.

"Are you cold?" Finn asked as Rachel pulled up the comforter she had insisted they'd bring up to her neck.

"A little." she said trying to play of the fact that she was actually burning up, but her nerves couldn't stand the thought of sex. She knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Right now she was wishing for later because Rachel Berry does _not_ lose her virginity in a tent in the middle of nowhere. She does not sink to that level. Not that it was anything wrong with it, but it wasn't her standard of things.

"Let me share some of my warmth then." Finn said smiling. He closed in, wrapping his arms around her. He kissed her lightly on the cheek. Then they laid face to face not saying anything. But as Finn closed the distance in a kiss they both knew the inevitable.

Was this really how things would happen? First she would compromise her comfort, then her routines, and now her standard? Was that what being with Finn was going to do with her? What was next, her dreams? Was she going to end up a miserable housewife or vocal coach who never fulfilled her biggest dreams? She couldn't let that happen. Not even Finn was worth that. No one was worth that much of her.

She pulled away with a sigh, hiding her thoughts behind one of her better theatrical smiles. He smiled too, although his smile was clearly not in the same league of theatrical as hers as it was clear he was disappointed once again.

"Better?" he asked. Rachel nodded not daring her voice to say what she needed. She would probably start rambling all the things she did not want to say. All the things that had gone through her head as the night progressed to this point. How she can't keep compromising and that they were too different. No, wait that wasn't… she… loved Finn.

"Let's make it even better." he said as he closed the distance again. Her mind was running wild with a lie to tell to get of this. "I'm not feeling so good" and "What was that" was definitely one of her top two picks. But out of the blue, Finn pulls away and opens his mouth asking, "do you want to do this?"

She looked into his eyes, internally screaming no thousand times over. Not here. Not now. Not. Ever. God, what had gotten into her? She loved Finn with all her heart, but there was nothing on this earth that could make her open her mouth and utter no when she saw his eyes. He wanted this. And whatever made him happy, made her happy.

"Yes." she said with the same theatrical smile._ NO! NO! NO! God, are you stupid?! No! Just say it… _"Yes. I do." she added, seeing Finn's smile grow into a grin. _OH MY NO! NOT THAT!_

She was shouting at herself internally. This was it. Rachel Berry 30 years from now would be a woman who never fulfilled her dreams because of her husband and twenty seven kids and two dogs.

Finn lifted the comforter and crawled under it. His big, rather cold, hands finding their way under her pyjama shirt as he started kissing her intensely with the occasional tongue movement. It was awful, and here Rachel was thinking she had finally taught him how to kiss properly.

She could feel her heart drop to the depths of hell as he clumsily took of his t-shirt while standing on his knees. His legs on either side of her. As his t-shirt was off and thrown unto the other side of the tent he looked at her once again with a smile. She felt nauseous as he once again closed the distance with more and more tongue.

As he started to already unbutton her shirt she could feel her hands involuntary fend his hands off. He pulled away for a second with a frown and asked "What're you doing?" before getting back to the kissing and the unbuttoning. She once again, still involuntary, tried to fend his hands of her. He pulled away. He moved to sit down next to her, his right leg still laying on her legs.

"You don't want this?" he asked and frowned. The pain in his eyes cut Rachels soul in thousands of pieces. Because he loved her. But if there was something she knew now it was that she couldn't lie to herself. This relationship ended the second he couldn't take that she had routines and standards. The second he couldn't compromise, but she was obligated to. That's when the relationship ended, the rest of it was just… an act.

"I guess it's a reflex. I do want this." the words left Rachel's mouth much to her own surprise. Reflex? What reflex? The "I-don't-want-to-lose-my-virginity-to-a-man-I-don't-love-in-the-middle-of-nowhere" reflex?

"Are you sure?" he asked still frowning. She nodded with a smile. And then they were back where they started. His tongue ungracefully shoved down her throat while he was unbuttoning her shirt. She had to actively force herself not to fend of his hands this time. Most of her energy went to it, especially when his hand clumsily touched her, and the souther his hands got, the more energy went to pretending this was something she wanted.

And from there, it was all black. She woke up the next morning not wanting to remember it. Although the burning pain and bitter aftertaste of saying "I love you" to him the same night she realized she didn't was left lingering as she could hear him make breakfast outside.

Most of the day was spent packing and walking before getting back to his truck. Most of it in silence exchanging smiles. Most of the walking done while holding hands.

"Can… I don't feel too good. I think I'm just going to stay home tonight. Although I would've loved to come home with you." she said as Finn started the car. He smile and nodded.

"It's okay, I get it." he said and kissed her. Now it wasn't a lie. Every kiss since the morning had made her want to throw up out of disgust for herself and for… everything that was wrong with it.

The car ride, as everything before that, was done in mostly silence. The radio played the new songs Rachel somehow had managed to already memorized the lyrics to and she sang along softly as Finn occasionally sang with.

When they parked outside the Berry residence, Finn was ready to climb out the car and walk with Rachel to the door like the gentleman he was believed to be. But she hastily just told him "No, stay here. I'll call you later." and grabbed her bag from the back before climbing out the door. She could feel his eyes burn in the back of her neck as she walked up to the front door without him driving away. As she unlocked the door and walked in the house she could hear him start the car and drive away.

She yelled hello as she closed the door behind her and sighed in relief when she didn't get an answer.

"Why haven't you told anyone?" Leroy asked embracing his crying daughter. She tried to say something but her voice failed her as another wave of emotions came crashing over her. She took a deep breath before trying again.

"I was so ashamed." she said, surprised that her voice could manage even those four words. Leroy hugged her tighter at the sentence.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of." he said. She fought his embrace in what seemed to be anger before speaking again.

"I do. I- I didn't love him. I told him I did, but I didn't. I hurt him and I ruined myself in the process." she almost yelled before another of her waves of emotion crashed down on her.

"You know what. Let's go home, and you can talk to that girl and you'll feel better." Leroy said as he turned to start the car.

"Quinn. Her names is Quinn Fabray." she said drying her eyes with her sleeves.

"Let's go home so you can talk to Quinn and feel better." he said with a smile as he started the car and drove away.

For the first time Rachel had opened up. The past had always been a part of her, but she never let it get in her way. But maybe for once she could let it go and not have a past to get in her way.


	9. The Ghost of a Lopez

Quinn had never been a graphic artist. She had tried the different softwares for it but it all boiled down to that she didn't have the slightest bit of talent for it. But if she could to all that awesome artsy stuff, she would've edited the word "hey" in a cool font between hers and the latina's face she was looking at. Santana stood smiling, while Quinn's jaw had dropped.

"Santana. Wh-what are you…" Quinn started trailing off to memories of the summer that reality caught up with her for the first time. Santana frowned waiting for an ending to the sentence but quickly made one herself with an answer.

"Work. And I wanted to see you. I mean you've kind of shut me out the last couple of months, so I had to resort to actually coming over." she said, inviting herself in with a few steps and turned around to Quinn who closed the door.

Quinn stood quiet. Honestly she didn't know what to say. Santana was right, she had shut her out. She couldn't explain why but it started as to tired to answer and turned into not speaking to Santana at all. That might be read as ignoring but it Santana knew as well as Quinn that she wouldn't ignore Santana. It was shutting out. Santana sighed and rolled her eyes before speaking.

"Look. I didn't come here to catch up. Whatever has happened between us through the years, you're still my bestfriend." Santana said, crossing her arms on her chest.

"Yeah, you're my best friend too. So, again then. Why are you here?" Quinn said, following Santana's lead and crossing her arms over her chest.

"What happened?" Santana asked without a single muscles in her body moving. Quinn looked at Santana in the same way not wanting to be the one of the two that showed emotions first. Althought maybe she already blew that when she looked like she saw a ghost when she opened the door. _The ghost of a Lopez_. Quinn thought, chuckling internally.

"Nothing." she said.

"Quinn." Santana said tilting her head slightly.

"Nothing." Quinn said and sighed.

"Come one." Santana said impatiently.

"Nuh-thing. Do I have to spell it out?" Quinn said.

"Then what is it? I know something's going on so just spit it out." Santana said.

Quinn wasn't_ really_ lying when she said,

"Nothing." once again. The first three nothings were maybe a bending of the truth as it were to the question of what happened. A question she wanted to reflex answer with "You know what happened, you were there." But this nothing? This nothing wasn't a lie. Something wasn't going. She was perfectly fine with the constant agonizing over how she still wasn't ready to tell Rachel that she wasn't o… well that she hadn't to… ugh.

"Bullshit, Fabray. I know you. This," Santana said and pointed at Quinn, "is not nothing. This is "I don't wanna talk about it with you". But I'm not that easy to get rid of and you know it. So, you better tell me before I call Alice on this." Santana continued. She shifted her weight for the first time since she stepped through the door.

"That's not fair!" Quinn exclaimed and sighed. "And anyway it's not even how that works. I, and only I, get to call Alice on stuff." she said. Santana looked right at Quinn and she could feel those eyes burning her when she looked away for the first time.

"I met someone but I-I can't tell her that I'm, well that I'm not…" Quinn said and once again trailed off. She couldn't even say the words to Santana. What was so hard for her with those easy three little words she had to say? I'm not… oo-ou… no. Santana closed her eyes for a second and looked down at her feet when she shifted her weight again.

"This is way out of my league then. You already know what to do." Santana said and looked up. What to do? No, Quinn didn't even have the slightest idea of what to do. Quinn guessed her face said it all. It usually did say it all to Santana, who was an expert at Quinn, when she continued talking.

"You got to tell them. You dodge a bullet and all that summer but we're not kids anymore. You don't live with them, and you barely talk to them so it's not like you would lose anything." Santana said, her voice suddenly full of warmth and love. That was the thing with Santana. She could beat the living shit out of her friends to get to know who to beat up_ for_ them. But when it came down to it, she did it because she loves them.

Quinn looked down at her feet before looking up again with a small smile.

"I've missed you." She said, hanging her arms at her side again.

"Oh no, this is my queue to leave for work. But I have… I have missed you too." Santana said slowly closing the distance between them in a hug. They rarely hugged when they met up. It was saved for important occasions when the other one clearly needed it.

"Now, stop with the shutting out. It's not okay." Santana said pulling away and taking the short step to open the door. "I'll see you around." she said closing the door behind her without looking back.

Quinn was left in the spot with a sudden feeling of… emptiness. The same feeling she was left with in her room when she was almost dragged up to her room by her father the last day of summer she had with Santana. With anyone really. The few weeks left of summer after that day was spent in her room reading.

She quickly walked to her room at opened up her laptop. She could feel tears burning behind her eyes out of nowhere when she opened a new document, ready to do what she did best. Write it out.

* * *

_Four years before._

I can remember seeing her dark hair in the corner of my eye as I looked up at the blue sky with the occasional white, fluffy, cloud drifting by.

We lay in the grass on blankets. Head to head. Always head to head.

I remember the tension I couldn't understand. It was gut churning. I can't understand how just the tension of something I didn't understand could be gut churning. I felt for Santana every day after that. How hard it must've have been to lay there next to me with that on her chest. Imagine the thoughts running in her head.

"Quinn. I- I need to tell you something." Santana said breaking the silence we usually kept for hours just laying there. All the tension I felt turning into shivers and goosebumps when she said it. My thoughts ran wild with all the possible things she could say. It ranged from cancer to… anything.

I didn't answer, just waiting for Santana to keep going. But the moments started to tick away and my head ran wilder and wilder with possible ways of Santana dying in some kind of disease.

"I'm- gay. I… please don't hate me." she finally said. Ever worry in my bone and every thought in my head just disappeared. Gay. That's it? That was the whole thing? No cancer? I propped myself up on my elbow to look at Santana.

"I don't care. I mean you shouldn't be so open around my parents, they wouldn't let me see you again. But I don't care. Okay?" I said with a smile looking at Santana. I followed her with her eyes as she sat up.

"You sure?" Santana said, her voice tiny. If I'd only heard her voice I would've had a hard time believing it was Santana's. I nodded, smiling wider.

I remember a few weeks after that. The days after it we talked about it but it died out as it just became a part of her. A part of_ us_. But that day a few weeks after lit the fire of the talk again. A thousand times over.

We were watching a movie. I can't remember which one of all the hundreds of thousands we watched over our time. We were sitting in my bed, in my room, in my house. A sleepover. Like we always did. We had done it from the age 7 when we met. Once again that awful tension was back, and once again I didn't understand why.

But I do remember that we had seen the movie so many times that Santana started to get ready for bed before it happened. When she was finished I stood up to do the same. My plan was, do my stuff, go to bed. Not stand up, kiss Santana, have a crazy makeout session. But I guess plans never really work.

I remember seeing Santanas confused face when I pulled away and put my hands over my mouth and my eyes widened.

"Oh goodness, I'm so sorry I don't know what got into me." I said muffled under my hands. While that was true, I don't what got into Santana when I dropped my hands and we once again were kissing on her initiative.

Now, I'm glad we got the night to ourselves, because everything was new to both of us and I don't if we could ever stop even if my parents walked in the room. We feel asleep without me even changing cloths or really at all getting ready. But as I laid there next to her as she had fallen asleep and I was close to asleep, I didn't bother with changing cloths because I'd rather not have clothes at all.

I woke up with my back to Santana. I adjusted my eyes to the already bright room before turning around to her. She was already awake with a smile.

"So…" she said licking her lips and swallowing.

"I'm not… I'm not like you. I don't know what got into me." I said and I could see something die inside of her although her facade was good. It always was.

"Okay. That's… that's great." she said, with that tone that couldn't be clearer about her feelings than if she shouted them at me.

The three weeks went by after that. And to my honest surprise we continued it. It started with simple kissing the night after when we had gone to bed and were laying face to face. But it quickly turned into kissing whenever we could and actual making out when having sleep overs that were pretty much every day. But that was it. No feelings were involved. Or so I thought.

But that was to quickly be erased out of my mind as the tension returned one night at Santanas. Santana acted just the same as when we were laying in the grass that day. And then it came.

"We need to talk." Santana said. Four words that made my heart drop. This time Santana didn't wait for anything she just said it. "I'm like, in love with you. It's stupid, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." I said looking her in the eyes. "I don't know. I don't know what I feel. But I know that you're my best friend and I don't want to lose that. So, what do you wanna do?" I said, smiling as Santana started smiling.

"You know what I want to do. I want us. But only if you want us to happen." She said and looked into my eyes. We sat in silence for a while speaking only with her eyes and as she closed the distance it was clear that whatever feelings that were involved or not, we were a couple. To us.

"We can't tell anyone." I said looking at my hands. I could only imagine what it took for Santana to come out and then also have to say that she had fallen, and now I was forcing her back into the closet. But she nodded with a smile. Nothing had died within her. Everything was fine.

A week after that the summer was coming to an end we decided camping is a good thing. It was nothing special. She had picked out a beach she had camped at before with her dad and nothing special happened. Nothing eventful happened. We assembled the tent and then did nothing, like we always did but in the backyard. Only now we had to camp after it.

We never spooned. We always laid face to face. Although the simple just laying there rarely lasted and was quickly turned into kissing. I remember it so clear still. The simple moment that just passed before me and me saying four words as if it was nothing. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't like Santana wanted it.

"I love you." she said when she broke away from the kiss to breathe.

"I love you too." I said with thinking.

That was the night things went downhill. I did what I do best when I can't cope with emotions or don't _want_ to cope with them. I distance myself, and I lash out.

I told myself that it was her fault. I mean I was okay with the whole gay thing for her, but me? No. I told myself she had "lured" me into that kind of "lifestyle". I use the narrow part of my religion as weapon to use against myself instead of using real things as drugs or cutting or anything to that effect.

I remember her saying "You self centered son of a bitch." I don't blame her. I hurt her on so many levels. She came over to my house so I couldn't escape. Horrible words were exchanged in that fight. That my mother had to break up.

I remember sitting down after Santana left my room, just crying. I didn't know why, and I still can only guess that it was because of all the things surrounding what had just happened. Because in those days of disting myself from everyone and isolating I had not once thought "I'm not gay", I had only ever thought "What do I do to get rid of it?"

My mom followed Santana to the door, something she hadn't done since she was 9, and then came back into my room. She sat down next to me and stroke my hair. And then it kind of just escaped me.

"I'm gay." I sobbed barely noticeable.

"What's that?" My mom said. She had heard me fine, but it was unthinkable that she would ever have to hear me say it. I took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes.

"I'm gay." I said trying to breathe so I wouldn't start to cry again. She got up and left the room without a word. She lingered for a second or two at the door as if she wanted to say something, but then she left with it unsaid. Probably for the better.

That night at dinner she didn't eat and my dad wore the expression I had only seen once or twice. It wasn't anger, not disappointment. Disgust. He was rarely disgusted by people but he was disgusted. He was also the first to break the silence that had settled around the table as they finished saying grace.

"What happened to you?" he said not even looking at me.

"Nothing happened to me." I started straightening myself up in the chair. "It's just the way it is." I continued and the smashed his fist into the table next to the plate so everything on the table jumped slightly.

"Don't give me that born this way crap! This is not how you were born! You were born a beautiful 7 pound baby to this world where she was suppose to be with a man like God intended for her!" he yelled. I flinched, and I could she mom do it to.

"Russell…" she started trying to calm down.

"No! You're not seeing any of your friends anymore unless they're from church! And you're going straight home after school when it starts." he kept yelling interrupting mom.

And after that the only thing I can remember is his fingers digging into my arm as he dragged me from the dinner table to my room and slammed the door behind me.

* * *

Quinn looked at the words staring back at her. Maybe she could heal if she told them again. If she stopped the pretending she started after spending an afternoon with the pastor her father had talked to. After that she was "cured". After that she knew how to pretend.

Santana was right. It was the only way. But she couldn't do it. Although she had nothing to lose, she couldn't do it.


End file.
